A few months ago, I would've actually laughed at the thought of writing a light hearted blog. My break-up seemed to consume every ounce of my being. When I wasn't crying, I was consuming an abundance of alcohol and mind numbing substances. And sure, I was numbed from the pain for a little while, but as soon as I would lie down in my bed (alone), all of the hurt came crashing down all over again. To put it in simply: I hurt in every sense of the word.
The weeks following my break-up, I went out every single night. I kept thinking that if I just got out and met new people, then I would feel better about myself. However, my late night adventures seemed to be in vain. Although I did meet someone new every once in awhile, it didn't make me feel any better at all. In fact, it made me feel worse, because the whole time I kept wishing that I was with my ex instead. My codependency definitely took over, and I continued to search relentlessly for a male to place in my life. After numerous failed attempts, however, I decided to give up. If one guy wasn't calling me 12 times a day (literally), then another was transparently trying to use me. I decided that it was better for me to be without any male in my life (romantically), because I was too young to worry about such things anyway.
Things went well for a awhile. I was actually able to be alone at home without feeling overwhelmingly lonely. I wasn't losing any more sleep, and I had grown accustomed to having no male contact to look forward to. I was, for the first time in a long time, okay.
And of course, since life always seems to work out this way... Just when I wasn't looking for any romance whatsoever, something amazing came my way. And oddly enough, it wasn't someone completely new; it was someone I've been acquainted with for years. He's always been someone that I've had a little eye-candy-type crush on, but was always unable to pursue. We had a class together in 2007, but both had significant others. He works at the bank across the street from my house, but I would constantly avoid him because I always seemed to look like the hobo monster from hell when he was working. To put a long story short: I've always thought he was incredibly attractive, but one thing or another stopped me from getting to know him better. We'd talked a few times and knew who each other were, but we never really... bonded.
But finally... An opportunity presented itself. I randomly decided to call up and old friend from high school one night and asked him if he wanted to have a drink or two. He said yes and that we should go to one of his friend's houses. I agreed, and didn't ask many questions. So when we arrived at the house, you can imagine my excitement when Eye Candy opened the door. I had somehow ended up on his doorstep almost two years later. And when we got to talking, he admitted that he had a thing for me back in our class together (what a coincidence) =], and that he never did anything about it because of our (lame) significant others. When I asked how he and his girlfriend were doing and he responded with, "What girlfriend? We broke up a long time ago," I knew... It was now or never.
Basically, I just want every post-break-upper out there to know that the time will come when you will be completely healed. Even though a break-up hurts like hell, and the pain rocks the very core of your existence, there will come a time when you will find someone or something to excite you again. My last break-up felt like the end of the freaking world for me, and I dealt with it badly for awhile. I tried to numb and replace, and felt even emptier in the end. But after I decided to just be happy on my own and realize that loving myself will be the only way to put myself out there again, I finally recieved real excitement in my life. And even though this thing with Eye Candy is amazing and hot, the first step was all on me. I needed to care about myself first, and stop trying to force myself into recovery with alcohol or various males that I wasn't that into. The best things always come when you're not searching too greatly for them. =]
Does anybody have a similar story of healing and finding something wonderful when it was least expected?
